thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
