just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
