I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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