I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
