Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
