Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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