So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
