You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
