it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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