Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
No I am not eating basil off your cock
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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