would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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