I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
