So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so explain again why im purple
no
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
They took my balls.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
