Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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