oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Did I show you my penis last night?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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