I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
