I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
