How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
