they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
