420 ftw
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
