Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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