god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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