So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
