Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Randomize
