the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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