Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
