My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
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