i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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