.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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