All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
