i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
