My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
