Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
