I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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