She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
