I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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