It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
