so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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