Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
