Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
