I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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