I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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