pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
