Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
