respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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