PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
MIDGETS
????
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
