is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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