you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
