Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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