I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
