Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just invented taco cereal.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize