This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
