It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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