i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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