my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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