I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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