I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
