Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
