Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
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