dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
