Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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