So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My penis needs a shock collar
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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