Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
