So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
