I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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