separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
