Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
