If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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