the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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