did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
only if we run a train.
done.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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