Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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