Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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