I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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