i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
