She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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