They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
