She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize