So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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