Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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