I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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