wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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