I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
