my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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